Anxiety.

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Anxiety.

For my first post, I decided to write about anxiety. This is something that hits home for me because I have basically suffered from this disorder my entire life. When I was 9 years-old, my family and I decided to go watch a family movie at the the theaters.

  While watching the movie I remembered starting to see the crowd around us and I could not shake this feeling off of me as if something bad where to happen to me. I felt my mind begin to race and the next thing I knew, I felt as if I was having a heart attack and I remember telling my parents something was wrong with me.

     

     All I could remember from that night was me telling my parents I was dying, somewhat flashes of my parents rushing me to the ER, breathing to a paper bag and asking the nurse if I was going to be okay, and to this day I can still remember how exhausted and drained I was after the incident. All I wanted to do was go into a deep sleep. My anxiety attack was so strong, that I blacked out and I could  not recall things.

     

A small quote that used to explain me completely & maybe others too.

       From there on I began many, many years of therapy. Going to therapy was not one of my favorite things to do as I got older because it made me feel like I was some crazy lady or it even got me thinking that there was something wrong with me and society would never accept someone like me. My anxiety controlled most of my life to the point that it did not allow me to leave my house. It was so bad that I was frightened to even go outside my door and think someone might see me and judge me.

     Because of my anxiety, I missed many adventures and opportunities to enjoy life. One thing I definitely regret is allowing my anxiety to take the wheel and control my life. For Example, I missed many days of school because I would get an attack everyday during school, my friends would do fun activities but I would not go out with them because I was afraid that something would happen to me there, and I missed out on many opportunities to take trips with my family.

      I would graduate from my therapists facilities but I always allowed my anxiety to take over my life once again which led me right back to other therapists again. Dealing with anxiety is one of the hardest things I have to deal with to this day. I always tell everyone that this is something I would not wish to my worst enemy because it can ruin you in the worst ways. Many times I just wanted to give up on myself and finally be free from all of my problems and not have to deal with my anxiety because it would literally take away all of my energy.

       Eventually, I was admitted to a better facility with a therapist that kept a closer eye on me and I would see her 3 times a week. She was the best and I felt like I was able to open up to her and talk to her about my fears. She saw me at my worst when I would break down in tears and she would just sit there and just listen to me. She taught me to finally accept the fact that my anxiety was something I would have to deal with my whole life. She taught me how to overcome my anxiety and also showed me how to not let it control me, but instead knowing that I am the one with the power. As time went on, I realized that I was not alone because I have met many people with the same disorder as me.

     I wrote this blog starting with anxiety because this is something that is still a big part of my life and it is still something that I deal with everyday. I want all of you to know that if you are dealing with anxiety or any other mental disorder, you are not alone! I hope my story gives you some courage and helps you understand that this too shall pass. There is always a light at the end of a tunnel!